this is it, or so i belive. i don't need a cell phone since no one ever talks to me anymore. i don't need a computer since no one talks to me anymore. am tired of waiting, tired of expecting someone to talk to me. i am tired of being in the shadows, never in the light. always the expectator, never the actor. in my dreams i am happy, with the girl of my dreams, in real life i am always in pain, alone, in the dark. i hate joy, happyness, loughter, and peace but only because i have never been allowed to feel this emotions. i am always asking why i was chosen to be left out, to be the example of what not to be. do i matter, dose what i say matter?. when i speak, am i herd or am i ignored? i've planed great things for my life, a big family, a big house, a good job but it is clear to me that i will not have this things in my future. i am not sad that i will not acomplish my goals, it has shown me how life works. what i regreat the most is how i've become alone, a sad shadow in the background hopping, but never looked at. alone in the background, waiting to be smiled at.